Speer’s article on AA:
—- Vision Asks:
Can you help me with my approach anxiety? I freeze, I can’t think, and even when I think of approaching I get sick to my stomach. If a women approaches me i’m fine. Same if i’m introduced. Do you have any methods? I have tried all that I have seen on the forums here but nothing is working so far. Thanks
—- Speer Answers:
Ok let me just give you a stream of consciousness on what my mind runs over when i think about this question:
This is a matter of what I have observed in myself, other guru’s and pua’s of note, and my students, It’s like an overall structure of themes of the learning process I’ve seen others and myself go through when learning PUA/GAME.
* Guy doesn’t realize it, but at some point guy takes on Identity/perceived world model (frame) that is counterproductive to fulfillment with socio/sexual interactions with people, particularly the opposite sex, Often influenced by social programming or self imposed limiting beliefs.
* Guy lives and experiences a perceived lack of fulfillment in women/dating/game etc. This can range from a crippling social handicap to simply feeling that ones social skillset could be improved to a higher level. Some guys are petrified to talk to a girl, or haven’t ever gotten a kiss, others are plentiful of women, but seek the next level / finding what is missing or what they want.
* Guy discovers game material. On the internet, in a book, through a newsletter, on youtube, and now maybe on VH1 or whatever.
* Guy entertains/accepts on a surface level that perhaps learning game/pua/seduction is learnable and that It could potentially benefit him and decides that It may be worth the time investment of checking out or investigating.
* Guy goes and reads and learns some material.
* Many guys simply do not take the next steps, think about it a bunch but don’t really do much. Most of the guys that fail to go on to learn game only do limeted field work, then reframe the situation to protect their own ego.
At this point I need to take into account from your message where you probably are. You have approach anxiety. Your nervous system probably spikes up when you are confronted/consider a cold approach of a girl that you see to be of high value. Your mind locks up.. Your body has physical reactions.
I know that it can sound extreme to say, but your body can actually have physical reactions to pushing out into the world doing cold approaches. When I first decided to go out and do cold approaches, I would physically shake, visibly shake. Girls actually would tell me, “hey.. your shaking”. It’s funny because, Its not like I was a complete stranger to hot women. I’de had hot women before, had girlfriends, wasn’t a virgin, had a decent amount of experience with girls, however the idea of cold approaching the girls that I REALLY wanted messed me up bigtime. But the thing is, the more I approached girls I perceived to be of high value to me, the less of a problem it became. Ultimately the only way out of your fears is through them. If you are afraid of approaching , you simply must approach.
Find wing that helps you go out and encourage one another to open sets. Set a goal of how many sets you will open a night, set an achievable goal that is 20% outside your comfort zone, and then ramp up your goals once you achieve the last set goal. Contract yourself on a set amount of time to go out per week and meet that goal on a consistent basis. I used to get $100 out of the bank, and I would give it to my wingman to hold. For each set I went into, he would give $10 back. It would help alot.
Find a place that consistently has large amounts of women that can be approached, and make it a regular place you go, so you can become acclimatized within that environment. Have regular routines where you are in social environments.
When you go out, BREATH. Move slower, talk slower, blink slower. Your nervous system wants to speed you up.. So you need to make it a habit of slowing it down.
“Warmup” sets are important. Always talk to a few people regardless you are interested in them or not Immediately when you arrive to a venue simply to get you more comfortable with speaking to people at the moment. Do 3-4 quick sets to get into state.
Identify and reframe your limiting beliefs.. If you want to approach but can’t, record the reasons you gave yourself and analyze and reframe your self limiting beliefs. None of them are good.
Put your reading in 20% proportion to the time you spend out in the real world. Excessive reading can be counterproductive.
Follow the three second rule. If you see a target, approach within three seconds, however, do not use that you did not approach within three seconds as an excuse not to approach. The only way out is through!
Let me know how it goes,