The first area I’ll go over is body language. Mehrabian’s rule, which I use in my teaching, states that body language is 55 percent of what you’re communicating during interpersonal (face to face) communication. Some researchers say that body language accounts for as much as 80 percent of communication. The actual words you say, which the whole community has been fixated on for so long, account for only 7 percent of what you’re communicating, according to Mehrabian’s rule. There might not be anything wrong with the words you’re saying, but you could be sabotaging your sets by having poor body language.
Simply try avoiding the most common mistakes. You should be replacing the bad movements with more confident movements. This will make huge difference in your interactions with everybody, not just girls.
Here you will find eight of the most common body language destroyers that will leave your target unimpressed. You want to train your body to naturally avoid these harmful movements, and you’ll see that these simple changes can make all the difference in the world:
1. Avoiding eye contact.
In a one-on-one conversation, do you glance to the side, down at your feet, or anywhere but your target? Ever catch yourself looking over the shoulder of the person you’re talking to?
If so, you’re conveying a lack of confidence, as well as nervousness. Those qualities are incongruent with a high value identity, to say the least.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Keep your eyes on your target. Spend 80 percent of the time looking into the eyes of your target. The majority of people spend too much time looking everywhere else but their targets’ eyes. Not surprisingly, most people can change this behavior instantly simply by watching a video of themselves. Powerful gurus look at their targets directly in the eyes when gaming. The only reason for breaking eye contact would be for freeze-outs, or other punishment for bad behavior.
2. Blocking: Allowing an obstacle to get in between you and your target.
Another common mistake is putting something between you and your target, thereby closing off your body language. Examples include crossing your arms, standing behind a podium or chair, talking to someone from behind them, or trying to squeeze yourself in between something and your target, which prevents a real connection from taking place. Even something as small as a glass on a bar can be enough to break the connection and create distance.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Maintain open body language, and make sure nothing is between you and the target.
Keep your hands apart and your palms up, pointed toward the ceiling. Remove physical barriers between you and your listeners.
3. General Nervousness: Fidgeting, rocking or swaying.
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unsure or incongruent. Fidgeting, rocking and swaying don’t serve any purpose but to lower your value.
Speer’s Edge Technique: The biggest problem is rocking back and forth as you talk. It reflects a lack of competence, control, and becomes unnatural. Eventu ally learning to move with purpose, you can avoid social suicide. The target will leave the venue confident that she will see you again and that your are congruent.
4. Hands in your pockets or clasped together.
Keeping your hands stiffly by your side or in your pockets can give the impression that you’re uninterested, uncommitted or nervous — whether you are or not doesn’t matter. It’s the appearance that will break your frame and convey the wrong message.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Take your hands out of your pocket and use them for purposeful, assertive hand gestures. Engaging both hands above the waist is an example of a complex hand gesture that reflects complex thinking and gives the target confidence, comfort and trust in you.
5. Standing or sitting perfectly still.
Ineffective PUA’s barely move, staying in one spot during an entire night. What it says about them: They are rigid, nervous, boring — not engaging or social.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Animate your body. Walk, jump, dance, grab a beer, whatever; anything is better then sitting still. Most PUA’s think they need to stand rigidly in one place. What they don’t realize is that movement is not only acceptable, it’s preferable. Some of the greatest PUA’s walk into sets, and are constantly moving with purpose.
For example, a guru will walk from one side of the room to another to captivate a target. This can work well as far as false takeaways, freeze outs, and punishment for bad behavior go. He points to what he talks about, and places his hand on target’s shoulders instead of maintaining distance.
6. Slouching, or being hunched over.
Poor posture is often associated with a lack of confidence and can reflect — or be presumed to reflect — a lack of engagement or interest. What it says about you: You are not alpha; you lack confidence.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Keep your head up and back straight. You can roll your shoulders back to get into a good posture. When standing stationary, place your feet at shoulder width and lean slightly forward — you will look far more interested, engaged, and enthusiastic. Pull your shoulders slightly forward as well — you’ll appear more masculine. Your head and spine should be straight. Don’t use a tabletop or podium as an excuse to lean on it.
7. Using phony gestures.
Use gestures; just don’t overdo it. Researchers have shown that gestures reflect complex thought patterns. Gestures will leave your target with the perception of confidence, competence, control and congruency. But the minute you copy a hand gesture, you risk looking contrived — like a bad politician.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Do not use hand gestures that you are unfamiliar with. Also try not to copy anyone else’s body language. Stand in a way that feels natural, as long as you’re not falling into any of the pitfalls on this list.
8. Jingling coins, tapping fingers or feet & other annoying movements or sounds.
What it says about you is that you’re nervous, unpolished or insufficiently concerned with details. Use a video camera to tape yourself. Play it back with a crucial eye. Can you find annoying gestures that you weren’t aware of? I once watched an author who had written a book on pickup. He couldn’t help but jingle the coins in his pocket throughout the entire talk. He certainly didn’t score points on the PUA scale.
Speer’s Edge Technique: Nervous energy will reflect itself in toe-tapping, touching your face or moving your leg up and down. It’s an easy fix once you catch yourself in the act. Dynamic and powerful body language will help you kick up the power of your pickup, so work on it! Pay as much attention to it as the words you use, and watch your game soar!