Why have Approach Anxiety?
You can walk up to a girl and she says: “Get out of my face,” “Fuck off,” “I have a boyfriend,” etc.
What happens to you?
NOTHING. If a girl, or group of girls, rejects you, your life will not change at all. You will wake up the next day with the same life you had before you ever went out that night. A lot of guys worry that they will lose value if they get rejected because other girls will see it. But the fact is, nobody is going to notice you getting rejected. If other girls in the venue notice you in set, it will probably be in the middle of the set. Other girls see you talking to girls, and that gives you pre-selection and makes you seem sociable. Being in set, even if you end up getting rejected, will actually raise your perceived value.
Maybe if you’re with your buddies you lose a little face but realize that I, as a master-PUA, approach hundreds of girls, and out of those hundreds I get hundreds of numbers, but my conversion rate is not in the hundreds. It’s roughly about 10 percent, and this is because I do not want to spend the time and effort on many of these girls. I have my main girl who lives with me at Project Hollywood and other girls in different cities. So most of the time with new girls I approach, I’m simply not looking for a relationship! I could have a much higher conversion rate if I chose to. When I was living in Project Miami, I chose to approach hundreds of girls a week and get 10 of them into my bed. Back then, I didn’t see the need to go through the trouble of finding the perfect girl. It made no sense to me to put a lot of my time and effort into finding the “perfect one” at that stage in my life. I would rather pick up a wave of girls and go surfing instead of spending the time on one. I’m not necessarily telling you that you have to think the same way, but it might be a good idea, especially until you get over your approach anxiety.
Mystery has approached well over 10,000 sets. When I was living with him, I would go out at least 10 to 15 nights a month. I think it helps to look at cold approach pickup like a video game, where you are continually hitting ‘Restart Level’, until reaching a new level, and starting all over again. Each time you progress you will become more confident in your approaches and learn a new skill set.
If you’re frustrated with the progress you’re making, or not making, ask yourself: How many cold approaches have I done in the last week? One? 10? 100? It would be easy to think that this figure is contingent upon your PUA level, but it isn’t. It only corresponds to your commitment to improve your game.
Any guy can walk down a street saying hi to 100 sets a day, but it’s a little trickier to open 100 sets and have them hook. The fact of the matter is, if you’re hooking sets then you will not be able to do 100 cold approaches because you won’t have the time.
Anyway, back to approach anxiety: Why should you feel or fear anything?
Nobody likes getting rejected, but it’s in the nature of the game. The fact is that she could be rejecting you for multiple reasons.
Here are only a few:
-She’s having a bad day
-She just got into a huge fight with her mom/aunt/sister/ or other family member
-It is an auto response since she gets approached many times a day
-You seem too clingy
-You seem like a try hard
-You have not made her feel comfortable
-She is having a horrible hair day
-You’re telegraphing too much interest
I could go on, but here’s the point: Most of the reasons have nothing to do with you, if you’re approaching correctly. So don’t sweat it and move on to the next set when you get rejected.
Let me know what you guys think. The fact of the matter is there is no magic pill I can give you that will allow you to conquer approach anxiety. You must be out there infield giving it your best until the fear is alleviated. And believe me, it never completely disappears, but it does diminish quite a bit. Once that happens, you are on a new playing ground.
So the bottom line is study, train, study, train, study, train and get yourself out there. Play the game and truly enjoy the time spent playing it.